yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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