I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
