i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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