was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
