found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
