READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
