hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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