Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
