somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
