I wish I could punch you in the face.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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