You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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