me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
