smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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