She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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