I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
