we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
