watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
