Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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