whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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