You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
