I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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