she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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