Where did you get a picture of my penis
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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