We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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