So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
