that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
