my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
