I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
