Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I deserve this hangover.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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