in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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