we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
