so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
