She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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