Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
