i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
