Can i not drive my cunt home
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
