so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
