She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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