whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
