I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
