since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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