dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize