I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
