Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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