If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
