I just pynch a tree in the face
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
