My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
