P.S. I can't hear my feet
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
