i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
