quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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