Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
