How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
