I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
