My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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