i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
