If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
