I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
