Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
