All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
