So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
