Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
