During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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