Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
