I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
