Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I could fuck to npr.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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